i need to see him. i need to be him... to feel his presence as to encapsulate him. he doesn't exist, simply in my mind. he is but a figment of my imagination, a puppet for me to contort and control. my need, though, is to lose that control. to splatter his thoughts, his feelings, his wants, his desires, onto paper. to be one with him. but it is a challenge to submit to his will when the need for self is so strong at this moment in time. but i've put him on hold for so long, i'm afraid if i do it again, he will leave me, and i'll never be able to tell his story. and my work will never be complete. slow and steady perhaps. losing myself a bit each day, but reeling myself back in as to not lose myself completely. it's what i'm going to have to do.