9.3.08

crazy??

so, i've come to accept the fact that i'm just not a 'relationship' kind of person. they just don't work for me, nor do they really appeal to me. i don't know. perhaps i'm destined to be alone, with no offspring, or perhaps an adopted one(?)... who knows. but sometimes it's just disheartening, really, as i can't help but think i've got a problem. i'm a freak-- an abnormality. but then i think... maybe it's how i was raised(?). i've never seen my mum in a relationship. come to think about it, i've never really seen any close family members in healthy relationships; in fact, the majority of my family is comprised of single folk. so perhaps i've got this complex hanging over my head where i think relationships are shit, and an unclassifiable, undeniable waste of time. which is just about accurate. am i wrong for that? do i need therapy? maybe. but then again, maybe not. although once in awhile i want to be nestled up next to a boo, i enjoy the freedom associated with not having to be boggled down by someone else's shit, or having to report back to someone every waking hour of the day (i do that enough with my mother, bleh). suffice it to say, i don't know if i'm even capable to pull off a long-term relationship. and i'm okay with that. i think.

4 comments:

one soulful negro. said...

awww man. i've never seen you candid about this side of you.

its not really bad that you're not a relationship type, but my question is are you allowing the things you've seen disrupt and prevent you from embracing a relationship. maybe you're not a relationship person, not everyone is, but maybe you just haven't been shown the right way yet.

maybe?

vstar* said...

maybe. this could be true.

Jiovanni said...

there's this blog i read about the greatness of aloneness and how people mix it up with loneliness because of society's expectations of relationships. i was trying to find it but i can't right now. i'll search some more and if i find it, i'll give it to you because it's interesting and it may comfort you.

vstar* said...

thanks much. if u find it i'll love you forever and ever.